There has been a lot of loose talk thrown around about people being 'deniers' of this or that - but principally of the theory of Anthropogenic Global Warming. Whatever your view on that subject it seems to me we should have some humility about what we think we know given how often and far our understanding of reality changes not to mention all those who have been persecuted for holding the 'wrong' views. This tongue in cheek review of celestial mechanics and physics hopefully helps remind how temporary and contingent certainty and settle science really are. Or at least makes some of you smile.
|Bow wow Ow!|
This science stayed nice and settled for a long time with only the occasional Ancient Academy of Sorcerers and Scientists beheading or crucifixion to see off the odd denier. The theory even survived the rise and fall of the bacchanalian 'party hearty' theories of the Romans when so many established truths became a bit fuzzy and unstable, particularly in the morning. Even the Huns bought the Ptolemaic line although they couldn't pronounce, much less spell it, however, as was typical, the Ostragoths were ostracized
|Oh poop! I'm Passe.|
|Tetherballs. It's all tetherballs these days.|
And then the protestants blew it all to hell.
I don't care a fig about Newton or his stupid theory
I don't care a fig about Newton or his stupid theory
Specifically one protestant: Isaac Newton was an Englishman who taught Lord knows what (honest! - he taught theology) at Cambridge while he was rethinking the foundations of the universe, inventing his own new branch of mathematics and dodging falling apples. The Cambridge establishment didn't really know what to make of this fruit fleeing wunderkund who supposedly discovered that 'apples fall from trees' which any bloody fool could have figured out with out calling it a sodding "Principia". But an English win is an English win no matter how obscure the sport so "jolly good shows" all around!
|Watch out! Apples!|
But GB&P being more Romano-Parmesan than Anglo-Saxon responded with a more nuanced, Machiavellian manner: Che cazzo? Voglio dire che il cazzo cazzo? (Everything sounds sexier in Italian). After the Romano-Parmesanisms were done they began working the 'effing protestant' angle. Which was the novel theory that protestants weren't just hell bent sinners but in fact hell bent thinkers and they pointed to the calculus with all of its inexplicable sigmas and functions and integrals and differentials as just the sort of incomprehensible gobbledygook that Satan would produce if he wanted to confuse the faithful. After all, counting on those Anglican bastards to pass you in calculus could lead to a serious priest shortage.
So they worked the ad-anglican angle hard while feverishly casting about for their own Newtonian or more accurately, Salamandraeian champion - someone "of the faith" who could do the voodoo that only Newton could doodoo so well. And try as they might they kept coming up snake eyes - for a while they thought that Tycho Brahe - the noseless Nostradamus of the north and his loopy Tychonic system (honest, it was based on geometric loops) was going to save them but in the end they had to admit that all of the cazzo calculus crap made perfect celestial predictions and that the ingelese interloper had it right. What really threw them was that Leibnitz - another protestant had also invented the calculus at the same time and all of a sudden it seemed like protestant inventors of new branches of mathematics and physics were becoming as common as fleas on a Pope and they needed to change the subject pronto. So they relaunched that perennial favorite the Inquisition and a good time was had by all.
|Nobody expects a relaunch of the|
But Albert Einstein was a clerk of a different...patent classification, I guess. Einstein had the odd bit of trouble differentiating the German umlaut from the English colon which made him a lousy patent clerk - second class. But that patent weakness happened to be the very same psycho-spacio inversion that allowed him to visualize the space-time continuum. And as a result of his disability he came up with a couple theories that to be frank, were seriously bent. For example according to Einstein when you are standing still and I pop you one right in the kisser your kisser is moving relative to my hand even as I am moving my hand to hit your kisser which is ridiculous since you're the one who falls like a sack of potatoes, not me. Or the idea that the faster I run, the heavier I get - I mean you could go into any Bernese bar and grill and see guys sitting on their ass getting more massive by the minute. And then there are all these examples with sliced bread in them, what in the hell does sliced bread have to do with the space time continuum? Yet the calculus and all of these physics Poindexters say that I shouldn't trust my lyin' eyes and if I do then I've become the science denier.
|Ja, I'm bent!|
|You meant the only way I can|
win this war is to use Jew Science?
Well then I just won't win it.
I say 'has been' because almost as soon as Einstein got settled, Nils Bohr began to bore right into the old boy with his Quantum reality routine which was packing them in throughout non-Nazi Europe. Typically he'd wait until his laureateness had just woken up from a nap and would run in and show him the little 'quanta circus' in his hand - it was like a flea circus only much smaller. So he'd stand there claiming that there were at least 50,000 quantum lions standing on photons in his hand and didn't herr Doktor see them? Right there. "I understand that as you get older you can't visualize new concepts or see Quantum circuses anymore but look - did you see that! That photon went through both the north and south entrance gates at the same time. Isn't that incredible!!!"
And what was Einstein going to say? That the greatest physicist of all time didn't 'get' quantum mechanics? "Vell, ja......I.....guess" So Einstein, swallowed Bohr's boring line of quantum hooey and set out to come up with a universal theory of everything. Which was a mistake. As Timothy Leary showed much later at Harvard a universal theory of everything is only achievable through the use of very powerful illegal drugs and only lasts for a few minutes until the nice men in the white suits come to take you to the place that will make all of those nasty spiders go away.
|Ze big boom!|
OK, I'll admit that last sentence is in rather bad taste, I don't think that people should die simply because they disagree with my choices or that I should gloat at their discomfort (well, death really). But given the rhetoric being bandied about today one could infer that the advocates of the catastrophic AGW line are a lot closer to 'nuke-em and gloat' territory than we'd like to believe. They seem to be straying to a 'utilitarian' 'logic', which argues that 'deniers' are destroying the world and must be shut up - for the greater 'good' you see. Aside from that ridiculous totally unsupported assertion of "fact", the willingness of the Enviro left to dehumanize those that disagree with them is frightening. They're trying to turn us into Mann-Dogs.
I guess so that they can thwack us with their rolled up but oh so recycled Sunday papyri.